Sometimes, we need to describe someone who isn’t helping much or isn’t doing their part. Instead of saying it plainly, people often use similes. A simile compares two things using the words “like” or “as.” This makes the sentence more fun and easier to understand.
In this article, we’ll look at 50 similes that people use to talk about someone who isn’t useful. These similes can be silly or serious, but they all help paint a clear picture. Some of them are about everyday objects that don’t work well. Others compare people to animals or actions that don’t help much. These examples will help you understand how to use creative language when talking or writing.
Similes for Useless Person
1. As useful as a screen door on a submarine
Meaning: Completely unhelpful in the situation.
Samples: His advice was as useful as a screen door on a submarine. / Giving him that job was like putting a screen door on a submarine.
To Put it Another Way: He didn’t help at all. / It made no sense to rely on him.
2. As helpful as a chocolate teapot
Meaning: Totally useless and falls apart under pressure.
Samples: Her suggestions were as helpful as a chocolate teapot. / That tool is about as helpful as a chocolate teapot in the sun.
To Put it Another Way: It didn’t work. / It was no good at all.
3. As good as a broken pencil
Meaning: Has no purpose or value.
Samples: Letting him plan the trip was as good as a broken pencil. / His role in the group felt as good as a broken pencil.
To Put it Another Way: It didn’t serve a purpose. / He didn’t contribute anything.
4. As much use as a trapdoor in a canoe
Meaning: Totally wrong for the task.
Samples: Asking her to fix the tech problem was as much use as a trapdoor in a canoe. / His plan was as much use as a trapdoor in a canoe.
To Put it Another Way: It made no sense. / It was the wrong choice.
5. As helpful as a snooze button on a fire alarm
Meaning: Not helpful at all when things are urgent.
Samples: He was as helpful as a snooze button on a fire alarm during the emergency. / Her timing was as helpful as a snooze button on a fire alarm.
To Put it Another Way: He just made things worse. / She didn’t help when it mattered.
6. As useful as a white crayon
Meaning: Offers little to nothing in usefulness.
Samples: That tool is as useful as a white crayon on white paper. / His advice was as useful as a white crayon.
To Put it Another Way: It didn’t stand out. / It was not helpful at all.
7. As much use as a solar-powered flashlight at night
Meaning: Doesn’t work when you need it most.
Samples: He’s as much use as a solar-powered flashlight during a blackout. / That idea is like a solar flashlight at night useless.
To Put it Another Way: It’s useless in the moment. / It failed when needed.
8. As helpful as a one-legged man in a kicking contest
Meaning: Totally ineffective in the given task.
Samples: He was as helpful as a one-legged man in a kicking contest. / That excuse was about as helpful as a one-legged man in a race.
To Put it Another Way: It didn’t work. / He couldn’t manage the task.
9. As useful as an inflatable dartboard
Meaning: Self-defeating or not functional.
Samples: That idea is as useful as an inflatable dartboard. / Giving him the lead was like using an inflatable dartboard.
To Put it Another Way: It can’t do its job. / It’s a joke.
10. As effective as whispering in a hurricane
Meaning: Completely powerless or ignored.
Samples: His opinion was as effective as whispering in a hurricane. / Trying to explain it to him was like whispering in a storm.
To Put it Another Way: No one noticed. / It made no difference.
11. As handy as a back pocket on a T-shirt
Meaning: Totally out of place or unnecessary.
Samples: That feature is as handy as a back pocket on a T-shirt. / His role was as handy as a back pocket on a T-shirt.
To Put it Another Way: It didn’t belong. / It served no purpose.
12. As useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle
Meaning: Silly or unnecessary in the situation.
Samples: His help was as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle. / That suggestion was like an ashtray on a bike worthless.
To Put it Another Way: It made no sense. / It wasn’t needed.
13. As helpful as a flat tire on a hill
Meaning: A burden instead of a help.
Samples: She was as helpful as a flat tire when we needed speed. / His attitude was like a flat tire going uphill.
To Put it Another Way: He slowed things down. / It just made things harder.
14. As useful as a phone with no battery
Meaning: Can’t do anything when needed.
Samples: That app is as useful as a phone with no battery. / He’s like a dead phone when it’s time to work.
To Put it Another Way: No help at all. / Just sitting there.
15. As helpful as an umbrella in a hurricane
Meaning: Useless during hard situations.
Samples: His plan was as helpful as an umbrella in a hurricane. / She tried to fix it, but it was like using an umbrella in a storm.
To Put it Another Way: It couldn’t stand up to the problem. / Not useful in a crisis.
16. As useful as a car with no engine
Meaning: Can’t do its main job.
Samples: That project was as useful as a car with no engine. / He’s like a car with no engine stuck.
To Put it Another Way: It didn’t work. / Nothing moved forward.
17. As sharp as a marble
Meaning: Lacking sense or skill.
Samples: He’s as sharp as a marble when it comes to fixing things. / That answer was as sharp as a marble.
To Put it Another Way: Not smart. / Didn’t know what to do.
18. As much use as a paper umbrella in the rain
Meaning: Breaks down or fails quickly.
Samples: Her solution was as much use as a paper umbrella in the rain. / It fell apart like paper in water.
To Put it Another Way: Not strong. / Couldn’t hold up.
19. As useful as an ice cube in the desert
Meaning: Lasts only a moment, then gone.
Samples: His effort was like an ice cube in the desert. / The help melted away fast.
To Put it Another Way: Didn’t last. / No help after a while.
20. As good as a parachute that won’t open
Meaning: A serious failure when needed.
Samples: His backup plan was like a parachute that won’t open. / When it counted, nothing worked.
To Put it Another Way: Total failure. / Couldn’t save anything.
21. As useful as a pencil with no lead
Meaning: Can’t do the job at all.
Samples: That pencil was as useful as one with no lead. / Her plan had no way to work.
To Put it Another Way: Couldn’t do what it was meant to. / Useless tool.
22. As much help as a barking dog at a chess game
Meaning: No help at all, just noise.
Samples: He was as much help as a barking dog at a chess game. / Her input added nothing.
To Put it Another Way: Not helpful. / Just distracting.
23. As good as a leaky boat
Meaning: Causes more problems than it solves.
Samples: That plan was as good as a leaky boat. / He’s like a boat that sinks while you row.
To Put it Another Way: Full of problems. / Not safe or steady.
24. As helpful as a speed bump in a race
Meaning: Slows everything down.
Samples: She was as helpful as a speed bump during our busy time. / He got in the way like a speed bump.
To Put it Another Way: A block instead of a help. / Just slowed us down.
25. As much use as glue on ice
Meaning: Doesn’t stick or stay.
Samples: That fix was like glue on ice. / It didn’t hold up at all.
To Put it Another Way: Didn’t last. / Fell apart.
26. As helpful as a book in a flood
Meaning: Totally out of place and ruined.
Samples: Her advice was like a book in a flood soaked and useless. / That item didn’t belong there.
To Put it Another Way: Not helpful in the setting. / Couldn’t be used.
27. As sharp as a butter knife on a steak
Meaning: Not good enough for the job.
Samples: He’s as sharp as a butter knife when it comes to tough jobs. / Her answer didn’t cut it.
To Put it Another Way: Not strong or smart enough. / Couldn’t handle it.
28. As helpful as a map with no roads
Meaning: Missing key parts to be helpful.
Samples: That guide was like a map with no roads. / Her instructions left out everything important.
To Put it Another Way: No real use. / Too confusing.
29. As useful as a doorbell on a tent
Meaning: Doesn’t belong in the situation.
Samples: That idea was like a doorbell on a tent. / He brought the wrong tool again.
To Put it Another Way: Not needed. / Makes no sense here.
30. As effective as yelling into a pillow
Meaning: Gets ignored or unheard.
Samples: Talking to him is like yelling into a pillow. / It goes nowhere.
To Put it Another Way: No results. / Nothing changes.
31. As much use as a wet match
Meaning: Can’t start or spark anything.
Samples: His plan was as much use as a wet match. / It didn’t light up anything.
To Put it Another Way: Didn’t start. / Failed completely.
32. As good as a spoon for cutting steak
Meaning: Not the right tool at all.
Samples: Giving him that task was like cutting steak with a spoon. / It didn’t go well.
To Put it Another Way: Couldn’t get the job done. / Poor fit.
33. As helpful as fog lights in daylight
Meaning: Not needed or helpful at the time.
Samples: Her tips were like fog lights at noon. / He helped when no help was needed.
To Put it Another Way: Wrong time. / Didn’t help now.
34. As useful as a blanket in a sauna
Meaning: Adds more discomfort.
Samples: That solution was like a blanket in a sauna. / Just made things worse.
To Put it Another Way: Uncomfortable and useless. / Bad idea.
35. As helpful as a silent alarm
Meaning: Doesn’t alert anyone.
Samples: His warning was like a silent alarm. / No one knew or reacted.
To Put it Another Way: Didn’t work as planned. / No one noticed.
36. As handy as an empty toolbox
Meaning: Has nothing helpful inside.
Samples: That idea was like an empty toolbox. / It offered no help.
To Put it Another Way: No tools, no use. / Empty help.
37. As useful as a snow shovel in summer
Meaning: Out of season or not needed now.
Samples: That tool is as useful as a snow shovel in July. / Doesn’t help today.
To Put it Another Way: Wrong time. / Not helpful now.
38. As effective as a whisper in a concert
Meaning: Can’t be heard or noticed.
Samples: His suggestion was as quiet as a whisper at a concert. / No one paid attention.
To Put it Another Way: Got lost in the noise. / Overlooked.
39. As much use as a nail without a hammer
Meaning: Missing what it needs to work.
Samples: His help was like a nail with no hammer useless. / The plan had no tools to back it up.
To Put it Another Way: Missing parts. / Can’t work alone.
40. As helpful as a closed sign on a school day
Meaning: Sends the wrong message or adds confusion.
Samples: That rule was like a closed sign on a school day. / No one understood it.
To Put it Another Way: Didn’t make sense. / Confusing.
41. As useful as sandpaper on silk
Meaning: Too rough or wrong for the task.
Samples: His words were like sandpaper on silk. / Not the right touch.
To Put it Another Way: Made it worse. / Wrong approach.
42. As sharp as cooked spaghetti
Meaning: Weak or lacking strength.
Samples: That effort was as sharp as cooked spaghetti. / He couldn’t make it happen.
To Put it Another Way: No strength. / Couldn’t hold up.
43. As good as a flashlight with dead batteries
Meaning: Offers no help in the dark.
Samples: His help was like a dead flashlight. / It didn’t shine.
To Put it Another Way: Useless when needed. / Didn’t show the way.
44. As useful as a boat with holes
Meaning: Always sinking or needing help.
Samples: That job was like a boat full of holes. / He kept needing rescue.
To Put it Another Way: Never stays afloat. / Always failing.
45. As helpful as a ladder with no rungs
Meaning: Can’t help you climb or improve.
Samples: Her advice was like a ladder with no steps. / He had nothing to offer.
To Put it Another Way: No way up. / No support.
46. As effective as a fake password
Meaning: Looks right but doesn’t work.
Samples: That code was like a fake password. / Couldn’t unlock anything.
To Put it Another Way: Pretends to help. / Doesn’t do the job.
47. As helpful as a lock with no key
Meaning: You can’t open or fix the problem.
Samples: The plan was a lock with no key. / It had no way to work.
To Put it Another Way: Blocked. / Useless setup.
48. As sharp as a donut
Meaning: Not sharp at all.
Samples: His logic was as sharp as a donut. / It made no sense.
To Put it Another Way: Not clever. / Dull thinking.
49. As useful as a comb for a bald man
Meaning: Totally unnecessary.
Samples: That tool was like a comb for someone bald. / No use at all.
To Put it Another Way: No need. / Doesn’t fit the person.
50. As good as a remote with no batteries
Meaning: Has no power or function.
Samples: That remote with no batteries explains his help none. / Can’t control anything.
To Put it Another Way: No action. / Useless.
Find the Topics: Similes for Useless Person
It was the night before the science project was due, and the group was in trouble. Jonah had promised to handle the poster, but he showed up with a board as useful as a white crayon totally blank.
Lena sighed. “This is as helpful as a flat tire on a hill,” she whispered. Mia added, “More like a chocolate teapot in summer.” The room was full of groans. Even Mr. Ray, their science teacher, raised his eyebrows when he saw their progress.
While Lena tried fixing the model, Jonah stood nearby, as good as a spoon for cutting steak. He offered ideas, but each one was as sharp as cooked spaghetti. He held up a broken marker and said, “Maybe I can decorate it?” Mia laughed, “That’s as much help as a barking dog at a chess game.”
Time ticked on. Jonah, still standing around, was as useful as a snow shovel in summer. When Mia gave him a list to cut, he handled the scissors like a parachute that won’t open. His cuts were jagged, messy like glue on ice.
“We’re running out of time!” Lena yelled. “Jonah, you’re as helpful as a doorbell on a tent!”
He looked confused, holding a bottle of glitter that didn’t work. “This is as good as a flashlight with dead batteries,” he muttered. Mia grabbed the board and groaned. “This is like having a ladder with no rungs.”
In the end, Lena and Mia finished the project. Jonah just stood there, as sharp as a marble, hoping for credit.
Your Task:
Underline or list all the similes for a useless person used in the story.
Answer Key
- As useful as a white crayon
- As helpful as a flat tire on a hill
- As helpful as a chocolate teapot
- As good as a spoon for cutting steak
- As sharp as cooked spaghetti
- As much help as a barking dog at a chess game
- As useful as a snow shovel in summer
- Like a parachute that won’t open
- Like glue on ice
- As helpful as a doorbell on a tent
- As good as a flashlight with dead batteries
- Like a ladder with no rungs
Conclusion
Using similes can make our writing and speaking more interesting. When we talk about someone who isn’t helping, similes help us explain it clearly and in a fun way. Saying someone is “as helpful as a chocolate teapot” or “as sharp as a marble” tells the listener that the person didn’t really do much.
These phrases can also bring humor to a frustrating situation. They make it easier to talk about problems without sounding too mean. So next time you want to describe someone who didn’t help, try one of these similes. It might help others understand your point faster and with a smile.
