Sometimes, we see things or people that don’t help much, even if they try. How do we talk about that? One way is by using similes. A simile is a phrase that compares two things using “like” or “as.” It helps people understand ideas better by using pictures with words.
In this article, we will look at similes that describe something or someone that doesn’t really help. These similes are fun, simple, and easy to use in writing or speaking. If someone is trying to help but ends up making things harder, you can use a simile to describe it. These phrases help show the meaning in a clearer way without saying too much.
Similes for Useless
1. As useful as a screen door on a submarine
Meaning: Not helpful at all.
Samples: That broken umbrella was as useful as a screen door on a submarine. / His excuse was as useful as a screen door on a submarine.
To Put it Another Way: It didn’t help at all. / It made no sense to use.
2. As helpful as a chocolate teapot
Meaning: Completely useless when it matters.
Samples: In the heat, that fan was as helpful as a chocolate teapot. / His advice was as helpful as a chocolate teapot.
To Put it Another Way: It didn’t work when needed. / It failed right away.
3. As pointless as a pencil with no lead
Meaning: Cannot be used for what it’s meant to do.
Samples: Trying to write with that pen was as pointless as a pencil with no lead. / Her role in the game was as pointless as a pencil with no lead.
To Put it Another Way: It couldn’t do its job. / There was no purpose.
4. As useful as a broken zipper
Meaning: Cannot do what it’s supposed to do.
Samples: That backpack was as useful as a broken zipper. / His help was as useful as a broken zipper.
To Put it Another Way: It didn’t fix anything. / It was no help.
5. As helpful as a flat tire
Meaning: Only slows things down.
Samples: His directions were as helpful as a flat tire. / That tool was as helpful as a flat tire during our trip.
To Put it Another Way: It made things worse. / It didn’t move us forward.
6. As effective as shouting at the wind
Meaning: Makes no difference at all.
Samples: Complaining about the rule was as effective as shouting at the wind. / Trying to change her mind was as effective as shouting at the wind.
To Put it Another Way: It didn’t change anything. / No one listened.
7. As useful as a solar light at night
Meaning: Not working when you need it.
Samples: That flashlight was as useful as a solar light at night. / His plan was as useful as a solar light at night.
To Put it Another Way: It didn’t work when needed. / It didn’t light anything up.
8. As helpful as a map with no roads
Meaning: Gives no real information.
Samples: That chart was as helpful as a map with no roads. / Her answers were as helpful as a map with no roads.
To Put it Another Way: It gave no direction. / We were still lost.
9. As useful as a fridge in the Arctic
Meaning: Not needed at all.
Samples: That jacket was as useful as a fridge in the Arctic. / A cooler was as useful as a fridge in the Arctic on our winter trip.
To Put it Another Way: It added nothing. / It wasn’t needed.
10. As good as a book with no pages
Meaning: Missing what matters most.
Samples: His speech was as good as a book with no pages. / That idea was as good as a book with no pages.
To Put it Another Way: It had no value. / It was empty inside.
11. As helpful as a ladder with no rungs
Meaning: Cannot be climbed or used.
Samples: That plan was as helpful as a ladder with no rungs. / His explanation was as helpful as a ladder with no rungs.
To Put it Another Way: It didn’t help us move up. / We couldn’t use it.
12. As useful as ice in a snowstorm
Meaning: Adds no value in the situation.
Samples: Her advice was as useful as ice in a snowstorm. / That extra jacket was as useful as ice in a snowstorm.
To Put it Another Way: It changed nothing. / It didn’t improve the situation.
13. As good as a phone with no battery
Meaning: Useless because it doesn’t work.
Samples: That device was as good as a phone with no battery. / His help was as good as a phone with no battery.
To Put it Another Way: It didn’t do its job. / It was dead.
14. As useful as a fork for soup
Meaning: Not made for the task.
Samples: His tool was as useful as a fork for soup. / That idea was as useful as a fork for soup.
To Put it Another Way: It was the wrong thing. / It couldn’t work for that.
15. As helpful as a hole in a boat
Meaning: Makes things worse.
Samples: His mistake was as helpful as a hole in a boat. / That comment was as helpful as a hole in a boat.
To Put it Another Way: It caused problems. / It made the situation worse.
16. As useless as a car without wheels
Meaning: Cannot go anywhere.
Samples: That plan was as useless as a car without wheels. / Her help was as useless as a car without wheels.
To Put it Another Way: It couldn’t move forward. / We were stuck.
17. As helpful as broken brakes
Meaning: Causes trouble when things get tough.
Samples: The advice was as helpful as broken brakes. / His timing was as helpful as broken brakes.
To Put it Another Way: It added risk. / It didn’t help in a crisis.
18. As useful as a lamp with no bulb
Meaning: Cannot provide light.
Samples: That guide was as useful as a lamp with no bulb. / The warning was as useful as a lamp with no bulb.
To Put it Another Way: It gave no help. / We were still in the dark.
19. As good as a pen with no ink
Meaning: Can’t write or do what it’s meant for.
Samples: His answer was as good as a pen with no ink. / That form was as good as a pen with no ink.
To Put it Another Way: It had no power. / It couldn’t be used.
20. As useful as a snow shovel in summer
Meaning: Needed only at the wrong time.
Samples: That tool was as useful as a snow shovel in summer. / Her coat was as useful as a snow shovel in summer.
To Put it Another Way: It didn’t fit the time. / It had no purpose now.
21. As helpful as a screen door on a submarine
Meaning: Not useful at all
Samples: The broken pencil was as helpful as a screen door on a submarine. / His excuse was as helpful as a screen door on a submarine.
To Put it Another Way: It didn’t help one bit. / Totally useless.
22. As useful as a chocolate teapot
Meaning: Completely pointless
Samples: That app was as useful as a chocolate teapot. / His plan was as useful as a chocolate teapot in the summer.
To Put it Another Way: It melted under pressure. / It couldn’t do the job.
23. As effective as shouting in the wind
Meaning: Makes no difference
Samples: Complaining to him is as effective as shouting in the wind. / Trying to fix the old TV was like shouting in the wind.
To Put it Another Way: It didn’t change a thing. / No one noticed or cared.
24. As handy as a broken hammer
Meaning: Can’t be used properly
Samples: That old tool is as handy as a broken hammer. / The flashlight without batteries was as handy as a broken hammer.
To Put it Another Way: It’s broken and no help. / Doesn’t work at all.
25. As smart as a sack of rocks
Meaning: Not clever or useful
Samples: He was acting as smart as a sack of rocks during the quiz. / That answer was as smart as a sack of rocks.
To Put it Another Way: That didn’t make sense. / Very poor thinking.
26. As needed as a third wheel
Meaning: Not wanted or needed
Samples: I felt as needed as a third wheel at the dinner. / The extra chair was as needed as a third wheel.
To Put it Another Way: I didn’t belong. / No one needed me there.
27. As helpful as a hole in a bucket
Meaning: Makes things worse
Samples: The broken zipper was as helpful as a hole in a bucket. / Her advice was as helpful as a hole in a bucket.
To Put it Another Way: It didn’t help only hurt. / Things just got messier.
28. As good as a flat tire
Meaning: Doesn’t work at all
Samples: That worn-out eraser is as good as a flat tire. / His plan was as good as a flat tire on a busy day.
To Put it Another Way: It didn’t get us anywhere. / No use trying.
29. As bright as a burned-out bulb
Meaning: Not smart or helpful
Samples: That idea was as bright as a burned-out bulb. / He sat there, as bright as a burned-out bulb.
To Put it Another Way: Not thinking clearly. / A dim idea.
30. As smooth as sandpaper
Meaning: Rough and not helpful
Samples: His apology was as smooth as sandpaper. / Her manners were as smooth as sandpaper.
To Put it Another Way: It made things worse. / Not kind or gentle.
31. As silent as a broken bell
Meaning: Fails to do what it should
Samples: The alarm was as silent as a broken bell. / That reminder app is as silent as a broken bell.
To Put it Another Way: It didn’t work at all. / Nothing happened.
32. As sharp as a bowling ball
Meaning: Not sharp; not smart
Samples: He’s acting as sharp as a bowling ball today. / That comment was as sharp as a bowling ball.
To Put it Another Way: Not smart at all. / Pretty dull thinking.
33. As ready as a turtle in a race
Meaning: Not prepared or quick
Samples: I was as ready as a turtle in a race for the pop quiz. / He was as ready as a turtle in a sprint.
To Put it Another Way: Totally unprepared. / Slow and unsure.
34. As clear as mud
Meaning: Very confusing
Samples: His instructions were as clear as mud. / That story was as clear as mud.
To Put it Another Way: No one understood. / It was all mixed up.
35. As useful as a snowball in summer
Meaning: Can’t do what it’s meant to
Samples: The ice sculpture outside was as useful as a snowball in summer. / Her sweater in July was as useful as a snowball in summer.
To Put it Another Way: Useless in this situation. / Didn’t make sense.
36. As organized as spilled cereal
Meaning: Very messy and not helpful
Samples: His desk was as organized as spilled cereal. / My locker looked as organized as spilled cereal.
To Put it Another Way: Total mess. / No order at all.
37. As steady as jelly
Meaning: Not firm or reliable
Samples: The table was as steady as jelly. / His hands were as steady as jelly during the test.
To Put it Another Way: Shaky and unsure. / Wobbly and weak.
38. As focused as a squirrel in traffic
Meaning: Can’t concentrate
Samples: He was as focused as a squirrel in traffic during math class. / Her thoughts were as focused as a squirrel in traffic.
To Put it Another Way: All over the place. / Couldn’t pay attention.
39. As strong as a wet paper towel
Meaning: Not strong at all
Samples: My grip was as strong as a wet paper towel. / The bridge in the model was as strong as a wet paper towel.
To Put it Another Way: Couldn’t hold up. / Very weak.
40. As brave as a scared cat
Meaning: Not brave
Samples: He was as brave as a scared cat when the lights went out. / She acted as brave as a scared cat during the haunted house.
To Put it Another Way: She was very afraid. / Didn’t show courage.
41. As fast as a snail in glue
Meaning: Super slow
Samples: The download was as fast as a snail in glue. / My morning was as fast as a snail in glue.
To Put it Another Way: Took forever. / Very slow.
42. As cool as boiling water
Meaning: Not calm or relaxed
Samples: He was as cool as boiling water when he heard the bad news. / She was as cool as boiling water before her speech.
To Put it Another Way: Very upset. / Not calm at all.
43. As useful as a pencil with no lead
Meaning: Can’t do the job
Samples: That broken pen was as useful as a pencil with no lead. / His notes were as useful as a pencil with no lead.
To Put it Another Way: It can’t help. / Needs fixing to work.
44. As steady as a feather in the wind
Meaning: Easily moved or changed
Samples: His opinion was as steady as a feather in the wind. / She stood as steady as a feather in the wind during the debate.
To Put it Another Way: Changed easily. / Couldn’t hold a strong view.
45. As strong as overcooked spaghetti
Meaning: Very weak or soft
Samples: The bridge made of string was as strong as overcooked spaghetti. / My knees were as strong as overcooked spaghetti.
To Put it Another Way: Couldn’t stand up well. / Weak and soft.
46. As neat as a tornado
Meaning: Extremely messy
Samples: His locker was as neat as a tornado. / My room looked as neat as a tornado after the party.
To Put it Another Way: A total disaster. / Big mess.
47. As balanced as a wobbly table
Meaning: Unstable or unsure
Samples: My plan was as balanced as a wobbly table. / The tower was as balanced as a wobbly table.
To Put it Another Way: Could fall at any moment. / Not steady.
48. As smooth as a bumpy road
Meaning: Not smooth at all
Samples: The speech was as smooth as a bumpy road. / His move was as smooth as a bumpy road.
To Put it Another Way: Rough and awkward. / Hard to follow.
49. As strong as a whisper
Meaning: Not powerful
Samples: His voice was as strong as a whisper. / That sneeze was as strong as a whisper.
To Put it Another Way: Hardly there. / Very weak.
50. As sharp as a spoon
Meaning: Not sharp
Samples: That knife is as sharp as a spoon. / His idea was as sharp as a spoon.
To Put it Another Way: Didn’t cut it. / Not clever or effective.
Find the Topics: Similes for Useless
It was the last week before the science fair. Ms. Turner asked each group to finish their project board and be ready to present. Emma’s group had four people, but only two were doing the work. Emma typed up the facts, and James drew the diagrams. But Max? He was as useful as a chocolate teapot. He kept giving advice that made no sense, like a map with no roads.
During cleanup, Max knocked over the glue and said he’d fix it, but he was as helpful as a wet match. Later, he promised to find pictures for the board but sent blurry photos. His choices were as good as a book with no pages.
“We need help, not trouble,” James whispered. “He’s as helpful as a hole in a boat.” Emma agreed. They gave Max one last task: cutting the paper neatly. But he used scissors that were as useful as a dull knife. The edges were jagged and uneven.
The next day, Max showed up late. His excuse was as effective as shouting at the wind. “Sorry,” he said, handing them a tiny printout. “It’s all I could do.” Emma looked at it and sighed. “That’s as good as a balloon full of holes.”
When they finally presented, Max stood there as helpful as a ladder with no rungs. He didn’t say a word. “Let’s never team up again,” James muttered. “It’s like working with a phone with no battery.”
Emma laughed softly. “Yeah,” she said. “Or a fork for soup.”
Your Task:
Can you list all 12 similes that show someone or something was useless?
Answer Key
- As useful as a chocolate teapot
- Like a map with no roads
- As helpful as a wet match
- As good as a book with no pages
- As helpful as a hole in a boat
- As useful as a dull knife
- As effective as shouting at the wind
- As good as a balloon full of holes
- As helpful as a ladder with no rungs
- As good as a phone with no battery
- As useful as a fork for soup
- As good as a map with no roads
Conclusion
Some things just don’t help, even when we hope they will. That’s why we use similes to explain when something is useless. These phrases help others understand the problem better by making a clear and simple picture with words.
Whether you say someone is as useful as a screen door on a submarine or as good as a phone with no battery, it tells your listener right away that something didn’t work. These similes are short, easy to use, and make your writing or speaking more interesting. Try using one the next time something just isn’t helpful. It will make your message stronger and easier to understand.
